Soldiers Prayer Our Father who art in Washington Baker be thy name Thy cables come, thy will be done In Bordeaux as in Paris Give us this day our long delayed and forgive us our A. W. O. L. Pay As we forgive the bugler mess Sargent, the Y.M.C.A. and all those who wear bars and lead us not in the Army of Occupation but deliver us from another service stripe. For there is the army of M.P. The L.M. and Field clerks Forever and ever
Cooties, mud, gas, rain, and bullets make soldiers life a pleasant one.
If you want to get an idea of a night in France under former circumstances here is the dope. Dig a conical shaped hole about six feet in diameter in your back yard then add enough water to form a substance known as mud. Have the mud just deep and thick enough that it comfortably cover your shoe tops, double yourself up like a Reading pretzel and set in the hole naturally with nothing between you and Mother earth. If you feel moisture somewhere don't worry because you may be able to take a bath within a month or two.
To make it realistic pick out a rainy night and if the water runs down your back, just incline your body to an angle of 45 degrees and it will check the overflow. Have the boy scouts called out to pump a few hundred rounds at you with the addition of a few bricks now and then. A pole cat or skunk in the neighborhood will resemble our gas attacks. If you have a gas mask, proceed thusly.
Hold your nose shut and stick a rubber hose in your mouth. Pin your ears back with a safety pin and put on auto goggles. Wrap up your head with sandpaper and remain the same position for an hour or two. If you feel uncomfortable, just peep over same hole- results- more bricks and bullets.
I have loads of trouble now. I have the cooties and a variety of fleas known as jumping fleas. They play leap frog and other games on my back every night. I have German cooties; they sure are like the Boche but only where you can't get at them, in the middle of the back. They build dugouts in my underwear and often times work over time. You can pick them off before retiring and lay yourself comfortably when there's a regiment of them holding dress parade down your back.
I don't cut my nails anymore, scratch them away. They breed faster than Chinese and new generations appear every night.